There are so many questions to be answered. I don’t even know where to start. I guess I can only hope in time, the whole and accurate story will be the one told. It may be too long to write now, but I know a short statement is in order.
“Currently, I’m in disarray because of how fast and unexpected this has all become. I’m confused on whether I should do any interviews or just keep silent about the whole thing. One moment I think I should explain, the other I think I should shut up. I don’t even know anymore.
“I am disappointed about the video. I’m saddened about the rumors of its upload. Most of all, I’m ashamed at myself for the loss of our child. It was something I never wanted to happen. It went against my every value and until this very day, it makes me breakdown in tears - something I never have moved on from - I don’t think any parent can.
“Of course it was done with utmost regret and I still wonder if I did all that I can to prevent it from happening. I thought I did, but I ultimately sided with the decision of my girlfriend, because I was put against a wall, to a point where I had to choose between the safety of the person that I love and the life of our child.
“As you have heard or read in the video, I do not blame Rhian for our actions even though it was no one else’s choice. The pressure on her was too great.
“Am I upset at her? No. However, I do feel sad about the opinions of the people who are closest to her. You see, I am pro-life. I know we all have a different stance about this sensitive topic, but I am and have always been such.
“You may ask why I still allowed for it to happen and my answer is, I don’t know. I thought I tried and prayed enough for the circumstances to change but it did not. And I know I will pay for this for the rest of this life and beyond.
“To be completely honest, I am saddened by the reaction of her mom and manager. It has hurt me almost as much as the deed itself. I was shocked to learn of their stance regarding a future family member of theirs. When I went to them to seek their help and comfort, all the focus was put on her career and her body image.
“I was told that the baby wasn’t even a baby, even though I was present during the ultra sound, heard the heartbeat of our 3 ½ month old child, saw it being formed into a young human being. I was even more shocked when she was being referred to as a ‘brand’ rather than as a daughter/niece.
“To be honest, I felt sick hearing this from people who are so openly Christian. They said, verbatim, ‘Hindi naman ikaw yung tataba, hindi naman ikaw yung papanget, hindi ikaw ang magdadala at sasakit ang likod. It wasn’t a baby.’
“These words were being screamed at me while I sat there in tears. I understand that this may possibly have a negative impact on her career, but it was our child - it was not an inconvenience that is more important than fame and money.
“After this intense ordeal last year, I recently found out this wasn’t the only time. It was in this moment that I felt my world crash. I hope you don’t find this as hypocritical of myself, but you cannot get away with killing children—I included.
“I made the video as a memento of this tragic event and that it should never happen again. It was meant for me to always remind myself that we paid an enormous sacrifice for this job and this relationship.
“I had no choice, I was not asked my thoughts - it was just going to be the way it went. So I made videos and I kept all the memories that I could hold onto.
“Rhian knew about all of this. To a point where months ago, when they thought a lawyer was needed to aid in our breakup, that I was asked to surrender all of this ‘proof’ (as they called it) to them for it to be destroyed.
“I naturally gave in to their request, because for the second time, I chose my girlfriend over the memory of our child. I specifically asked them to not destroy it, to please return it to me 50 years from now when all this showbiz priorities and ‘branding’ wouldn’t mean so much anymore. Along with my files, they took my computer and erased it in front of me.
“This was all documented by her legal staff.
“Until this very day, I love Rhian very much. We had to lie to the public about our ongoing relationship and I understood why. I would never want to hurt her and I tried my best to protect her when rumors of past abortions would surface. I aggressively pursued bloggers and other people who had info of past incidents and told them to be quiet.
“They know who they are. Unfortunately, we find ourselves here today. People are in possession of these videos. I know that the copies in my laptop were not the only ones destroyed. In a brown envelope, I handed these files to the family and begged them to salvage them. My laptop may have been compromised. I really don’t know. There will be rumors for a long time, I am aware of that, but it will not hurt as much as the memory of what truly happened - we lost our child and I have not moved on from it.
“I am aware that GMA would like to prosecute me for this. I would like to apologize to the network for putting them in a bad light.
“This decision to have an abortion was not something the network instructed us to do. I was shocked that one of their officers, Ida Henares, had an unfavorable opinion about the pregnancy, but I am aware that her opinion doesn’t reflect the opinion of the network. I understand that and I am sorry if the words on my ‘video diary’ depicted otherwise.
“I’m sorry to Rhian that our rollercoaster relationship ended the way it did. There was much more going on than people know. But I love you. I always have. The few people who knew about us also knew how much we cared for each other. We talked about marriage, we almost bought a home together a few months ago, we were planning to have the family we lost.
“I don’t have a message for the general public. This is the shortest explanation I can give for now. Maybe one day I can answer more, or whenever it is necessary. We all have a certain set of values. I will respect yours and I hope you will respect mine. This is me in the most honest and rawest form.
“I can only make one promise: I will never, ever agree to take the life of a child again. It doesn’t matter if it isn’t my body or my choice. I will not be put against the wall again. I should have stood my ground, fought harder, delayed it longer, encourage more people to talk her out of it.